28.11.05
exhausted
I've always listened to others stories of amazing and trying situations wondering how I would act if those circumstances were turned on me. I've always thought I would be calm and collected but without experience to prove me right I've always doubted myself. On Saturday I had one small opportunity to prove myself. In the store on my own, run off my feet, just trying to get from one customer to the next, watches were stolen. 1 or 2 watches were stolen on Thursday night so I was trying my hardest despite my rush to keep all cabinets locked and keep as much stock off the counter as possible. It came as a shock when a couple walked into my store and told me they thought I'd had some watches stolen. I hadn't seen anything. None of the customers in the store had seen anything. I rushed outside but the theives had gone. Still with customers packed in the store I asked if they could stay and give a description to security. They did and I kept serving customers, trying to empty the store so that I could make all the necessary phone calls. My hands were shaking, but I smiled and carried on. When I finally had the store empty of customers I called the police, my area manager and the owner of the company.
We think they must have had keys because we're missing a set and I'm sure I had locked the cabinet. They waited until I was busy and there was a wall of customers between me and the front cabinet. One guy came inside and knelt down at the bottom shelf and another girl stood on the outside pointing at which watches to take. Brazen, but no body in the store saw anything, or at least they didn't come forward to say so if they did. The police think we were targeted by a professional group of thieves that have been acting in the area.
I'm really pissed off that I didn't see anything. It wasn't me that could offer a description to security it was someone walking by. But, I did manage to hold it together. My hands and my knees were shaking unbelievably but I kept on serving customers even though the only thing I wanted to do was close the store, sit down on the floor and cry. But I didn't cry.
Anyway, this all somehow seems irrelevant. It was a fucked up thing to happen and it's still affecting me in a strange. Today we figured out the exact numbers of watches stolen and their details for the police and for insurance. I know I'm not responsible and everyone is at pains to tell me so. I don't feel responsible but yet it all lingers somehow. I don't think Saturday was really some point of proof for my calm, collected manner. I don't know what it was except It was exhausting and I'm still exhausted and I'm as jumpy as jiminy that it will happen again.
10:50 p.m.